A history of ugliness

Obsolescence isn't always a bad thing. Extinction is regrettable, but sometimes it's for the best. Some things just weren't meant to survive. They're not fast enough, smart enough, or are somehow just lacking a certain something that enables continued existence.

And sometimes, things are just too damn ugly.

Having said that, I can't help but wonder why retro gear seems to be all the rage in some circles. The NBA is the worst offender in propogating this idea that retro clothes can be cool and/or fashionable.

Well, you know what, NBA? There's a reason people don't wear '70s-style clothes anymore: because they're God-awful aesthetic abominations. Don't try to convince use that they're throwbacks to another great era; if those uniforms were so great, people would still be wearing them. If orange and brown were actually a great colour combo, people besides Arby's employees would rock it daily. If wearing a rainbow-coloured jersey that says "Nuggets" didn't make you sound like a gay scat-fetishist, they might still be popular. Clothes from the '70s and '80s suck, and you know it, you greedy bastards.

For the most part, the only people you see wearing retro jerseys are the members of a team that have to participate in a retro night. Poor bastards, but hey, if I had a job where the minimum first year salary was over 300 grand a year, I could handle looking retarded on TV every once in a while.

If the NBA marketing machine that sells these rags had the real courage in their conviction, they'd go full on, and not just sell the jerseys. They'd sell the fruity little short-shorts that went with the jerseys. Oh wait, people won't wear them because they look like dorks? How does that not apply to the jerseys?

And if the '80s, '70s, 60's etc were so great, why only revisit them fashion-wise? Bring back the real 1960s-style NBA! If you're going to slap a 1960s-style jersey on a team, make them historically authentic! Kick all the black guys off the team in favour of five white guys with nicely combed hair and no jump shots! Abandon the shot clock! Let's watch a thrilling 27-26 overtime victory! Best of all, let's watch athletes who made several thousand dollars a year.

Or hell, keep rolling back the history. I'd love to watch some 1920s-style baseball, where you've got guys like Ty Cobb who actually kill a guy, then come to the park and play. And make the Hall of Fame. Drunk the whole time, no doubt. You better believe that would make baseball way more fun to watch.